1)Next - “Too Close”
SONG: Basic R&B. Harmless enough, but does very little to stand out besides its slightly explicit lyrics. Swear to God I’ve never heard it before in my life. Nor have I ever heard of the group. Has it been largely forgotten? I guess my tastes are just that whitebread. Or maybe it’s where I live or something.
VIDEO: Choreography. Girls wear weird looking blue skirts.

2)Brandy & Monica - “The Boy Is Mine”
SONG: Minor key R&B duet with very fake sounding synth strings and MIDI harps. And that weird “cheek popping” percussion noise all over the song. Not a great tune–doesn’t really “go” anywhere.
VIDEO: They’re watching Jerry Springer, former Mayor of Cincinatti. I’d forgotten he died.

3)Shania Twain - “You’re Still The One”
SONG: Really bland radio-pop ballad with a slight hint of country. I only ever remembered a slight hook in the verses, not the chorus. The chorus itself makes me wish I were listening to the Orleans song of a similar name instead, because believe it or not I really like that song. Other than that the only Shania song I remember is That Don’t Impress-A Me Much. Or whatever it’s called.
VIDEO: Is there a term for when something is filmed in only two colors, but they aren’t black and white? “Duochrome”? This is all blue and black MTV lighting, with her walking along a beach and some dude with his shirt off glistening all over the place.

4)Savage Garden - “Truly Madly Deeply”
SONG: Dull modern piano white R&B pop. Chorus sounds like about six million other songs recorded in the 90s, or any decade from the 70s onward for that matter. Verse lyrics are spoke-sung in the manner of U2’s “Numb,” not something I’m a fan of.
VIDEO: One of the worst kinds of videos: dude stridently walks towards the camera while lip syncing the lyrics. Even Paul Thomas Anderson and Michael Penn couldn’t make that not look stupid. Is it just me? It’s also shot with a smoggy yellow filter.

5)LeAnn Rimes - “How Do I Live”
SONG: Dull four chord white pop ballad.
VIDEO: Didn’t I already do this one in the 1997 post? I ignored the video (which has no ideas in it whatsoever–I guess MTV really was more creative in the 80s, huh?) and checked the back pages of the board and sure enough, she was in the 1997 post, two months ago! Fuck this noise!

6)Janet Jackson - “Together Again”
SONG: Hideous bouncy R&B pop shit that sounds like somebody took the “Starlight Zone” from Sonic The Hedgehog and added a bunch of Casio keyboard preprogrammed beats. Release this shit, dammit! Seriously, this song is rancid–worse than Cher’s “Believe.” I honestly don’t remember it, either!
VIDEO: She’s sitting in the African desert wearing a bandolier around her neck, sitting next to a red-tailed hawk, with a dumb 90s nose ring and a bunch of puffy red shit in her hair that looks like a little hairy vegetable garden. Dance lines ensue and some African animals play with her. Hasn’t aged well. Later in the video she embraces a second Janet Jackson. It’s weird.

7)K-Ci & JoJo - “All My Life”
SONG: Basic piano R&B. These songs are the main reason I don’t like doing these posts, and probably the reason you’re not reading them. Really it’s just OCD that makes me want to do them. I’ve already run into about 15-20 songs just like this and I’ve only covered nine years.
VIDEO: Mostly just them on a stage. Not much to report. There’s about 10 seconds where somebody gives a homeless white dude some chicken.

8)Elton John - “Candle In The Wind 1997”/”Something About The Way You Look Tonight”
SONG/VIDEO: I already did this one in the last post!

9)Usher - “Nice & Slow”
SONG: Viewer comment: “This generation will never understand this kind of music” - I was 16 when this thing came out and I only sort of understand it myself, huh? Another very simple R&B tune…
VIDEO: ....but oh man, the video is a laugh and a half! It actually has a plot–a very generic four-minute movie plot, Usher has an eyepatch, rides a motorcycle, has his girlfriend kidnapped out of his car by some skinny dudes, berates a cop, then saves the girl by blowing up a building while riding away!!! LOL!!!!!!!

10)Paula Cole - “I Don’t Want To Wait”
SONG: Ugh, the Dawson’s Creek theme. If I’d never heard it before I suppose the chorus wouldn’t seem so bad on the first listen, but you could say the same thing about Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” couldn’t you?
VIDEO: Quickly drops the idea of Paula dancing around in see-through clothing for a bunch of period-piece costume drama, with Paula dolled up like Queen Elizabeth I and a 1920s flapper chick and making lots of angsty faces and twirling at the camera. Silley stuff. The camera pans across her tits and stocking tops a lot, too.

AFTERWORD: #11 is actually Third Eye Blind’s “How’s It Gonna Be,” a song that I still like, albeit ironically–that part where they all start howling the bridge like a bunch of dumbass fratboys is a hilarious 90s moment I like to show younger generations. I am very grateful to not hear “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” or “My Heart Will Go On,” songs that I was sick of before 1998 had even become 1999.