My mood has been unstable lately and I had a few days where I listened to music morning to night and then yesterday felt worthless and cried for the first time in five years, over something stupid. I feel a lot better today so I’ll do some listening once I’ve replied to all these people. I need to sort out what’s screwy with me before I can realistically look for another job. Being without weed has really thrown me for a loop. Without being able to marinate in my thoughts I’ve lost the context/narrative of who I am (that’s usually very strong) and that’s gone ass-over-tits without a job and I’ve gone between feeling worthless and feeling OK but exhausted. My best friend is coming over tomorrow to trade an eighth for a bottle of Tahitian Treat and I’m most of the way saved up for a jar of gummies so I might do better soon. I’ll be fine, I just need some context for my life. It’s not so much that my identity is tied up with my job because it’s not; other times when I’ve been employed I’ve had the integrity (in the ddictionary sense) to be happy but with no place for myself in existence right now I’m just adridt. Weed is not just a vacation for the mind; sometimes it’s the foundation for it.

The fascism has really got me down. Right now I’m a useless eater and if I had the resources I’d seriously start to consider fleeing the country while it’s still early.

I didn’t like Reputation very much. When I finish replying to these posts I’ll post my third spins one in reply to this. I haven’t gotten started on the fourth.