1)Mariah Carey, “We Belong Together”
SONG: 4 chord R&B piano ballad. The four chords are too obvious to be interesting. The kind of song that–I hate to sound like a broken record here–sounds so much like so many other songs that I can’t even remember if I heard it back in the day or not.
VIDEO: Mariah in a lot of really sexy leg-baring outfits looking like a zillion bucks, then puts on a wedding dress to go dump Eric Roberts (?!?) at the altar for the guy from Prison Break. Did she dump him because of his shit-ass Southern accent from Runaway Train?

2)Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl”
SONG: At the risk of sounding like a broken record a second time, this song gets a relatively free pass compared to the rest of the pop junk I’m reviewing in these posts, because by virtue of me being able to remember it, it’s a slight breath of fresh air compared to all these forgettable R&B ballads. Only two things stuck out to me while listening to its 3 1/2 minute length: 1)the “this my shit, this my shit” break (before the “this shit is bananas” part) is a really weird break, because it’s buried under these goofy Moog-sounding synth arpeggios that sound like they belong from another decade altogether, and 2)the song tries to get sort of minor key before it’s over with. Like in its last 30 seconds or so.
VIDEO: It’s worth noting that Gwen turned 36 the year this video came out, if only because two years prior, in 2003, fellow 90s she-icon Liz Phair turned 36 and also tried to do a hip modern style to appeal to “the kids”, complete with videos where she dolled herself up all sexy, but Liz got fucking shellacked for it, whereas Gwen was re-established as a superstar. Did she really do it so much better? I’d rather listen to “Extraordinary” than “Hollaback Girl,” but I will say that Gwen’s image people were far better than Liz’s. Or maybe she just knew what she was doing better because unlike Liz she was never an “artist” back in the 90s? Who knows. Her butt looks nice in that majorette leotard. Sorry.

3)Mario, “Let Me Love You”
SONG: Not a cover of the 1968 Jeff Beck classic. No, it’s a generic R&B ballad. I may not get what I want, but I get what I deserve.
VIDEO: Chris Rock lookalike Mario argues with his girlfriend, then visits some kids in a school, then dances in front of an old Japanese illustration of a samurai.

4)Kelly Clarkson, “Since U Been Gone”
SONG: Surprisingly bearable for slick mall-punk from an American Idol winner. I guess. I’d sort of forgotten this was her. Isn’t she a talk show host now or something? I didn’t know she did guitar-rock songs because I never watched American Idol. Note: the Orianthi song “According To You,” from a few years later, is a massive, MASSIVE fucking ripoff of this. Like, I’m surprised there weren’t any lawsuits. I still like the similarly named Rainbow song better, the one that’s somehow Rainbow’s best song in spite of Dio not singing it.
VIDEO: I imagine her acting in this was better than in that From Justin To Kelly disaster? She’s performing in a club, intercut with the usual angst, and I guess at least it looks like she was getting into it.

5)Ciara feat. Missy Elliot, “1, 2 Step”
SONG: R&B/hip hop hybrid with the obligatory “Gin & Juice” synth riff ripoff buried way down in the mix below the kettle drums and vocals.
VIDEO: Dance lines. It is notable now that I have not made it through a female-sung pop video in this list without the female pop star in question having to bare her midriff. Was it a requirement? I don’t have a problem with it–I’m just wondering if it was a requirement by this point.

6)Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx, “Gold Digger”
SONG: Kanye speak-sings-raps over Jamie Foxx the whole song, with Foxx doing some kind of old-timey old-man blues/soul voice. Does this get points for originality, or did nobody care?
VIDEO: Sexy girls with a 1950s pinup theme.

7)Green Day, “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams”
SONG: Never liked this that much aside from the slide-guitar-ish parts (and I don’t entirely hate Green Day–a small handful of their punk pop songs from the 90s are still bearable to me), but it’s either charming or pathetic that Green Day were able to score the biggest hit of their career and gain a huge second wind in said career by releasing what amounted to an almost behind-the-times lonely-teen-angst ballad (it should have come out in 1994!) this late in said career. They were regarded as “aging gracefully” by doing this song…
VIDEO: …I mean, the highest-rated viewer comment is “When you graduate high school and all your friends stop hanging with you.” The band walks through deserts and streets with a grey filter over the video and a bunch of dumb scratched-up-film effects on stuff.

8)50 Cent feat. Olivia, “Candy Shop”
SONG: Miserably repetitive hip hop tune based around like one chord and Fitty mumbling away like he’s half asleep. I don’t remember really hating the stuff he did the last couple years even if I didn’t particularly like it, but this track honestly sucks.
VIDEO: Fitty wanders into a brothel. I admit to laughing at the bit where a girl takes a whip and tears his shirt off with it. And that and the end it’s revealed he was at a fast food drive in instead of a brothel. Har.

9)The Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes, “Don’t Cha”
SONG: What is Busta Rhymes’ reputation in 2026? How old is he? When I was 24 and this song came out, there had been several years of everyone thinking he was a retard. He was the most made fun of rapper after Ja Rule (not counting people like Vanilla Ice, Hammer, etc.) He doesn’t contribute much to this song, which is based around some white girl I’ve never heard of spitting out the line “don’tcha wish your girlfriend was hot-like-me.” How many Dolls were there again? I don’t remember.
VIDEO: Dance lines and trampolining in a boxing ring for some reason. People driving around. Not much better than the song, which is dank and repetitive. And written mostly by Sir Mix-A-Lot, because I bothered to read the Wikipedia article.

10)Kelly Clarkson, “Behind These Hazel Eyes”
SONG: I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt with “Since U Been Gone” but not this, I’d rather hear her do mall punk than this, which sounds like…well, adult contemporary mixed with boring radio rock chorus shit.
VIDEO: Kelly in a torn up wedding dress running around some enchanted woods. At the end she leaves some guy at the altar and goes around throwing stuff at people as she storms off. Just like the Mariah Carey video. If I watched all 100 of the songs in the top 100 for this, or any other year, I wonder how many times I would come across the runaway-bride trope?

SONGS I’M GLAD I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T MAKE THE TOP 10:

Lifehouse - “You & Me” (#12)
The Killers - “Mr. Brightside” (#16)
Weezer - “Beverly Hills” (#20–not just an awful song by itself, but since I have far better memories of Weezer than Green Day, this is a double embarrassment, which I can’t really say about the Green Day song! Triple embarrassment: it’s now the most played, most heard Weezer song!)
Will Smith - “Switch” (#28)
The Black Eyed Peas - “My Humps” (#32)
Nickelback - “Photograph” (#43)
Usher/Alicia Keys - “My Boo” (#54)
Toby Keith - “As Good As I Once Was” (#84)
Faith Hill - “Mississippi Girl”

SONGS FROM THE REST OF THE TOP 100 THAT I ACTUALLY LIKED:

Gorillaz - “Feel Good Inc.”