Pass on the mix CD.

I can’t remember the last time I ate ice cream with a finger, I’d hate the stickiness. Creamy Mango Haagen Dazs is best non Ben & Jerry’s/Cold Stone/Baskin Robbins flavor anyway, not that B&Js is very good anymore (why did the bland, forgettable Stephen Colbert Americone Dream flavor become such a stickler?)

My hometown is actually Beattie, Kansas, which will probably never make the news for any reason at all, but Marysville is where I was bused 12 miles west five days a week to attend 5th through 12th grade.

My favorite town name is Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan, because as a little kid I would annoy my dad by pronouncing it “Salt Stee Maree.” There is a town called Liberal, Kansas. My elementary school in Beattie was converted into a combination recycling plant and retard sanitarium a long time ago.

What was probably in your news feed concerns Cindy Holscher, the anti-datacenter Democrat running for a Senate seat in Kansas. She’s running better ads than Roger Marshall, the Republican douche canoe who is somewhat less embarrassing than Sam Brownback used to be. Kansas was hatefully called “Brownbackistan” for awhile. Aside from that, nothing ever happens in Marysville besides high school sports, which I couldn’t play because I was a weak little unmanly asthmatic-autistic fruit bat of a boy. Fuckin’ shit!