(Video comment: “Three hardest languages to learn: French, Chinese, Sean Paul”)

Huh? I can understand Chinese (props to Brian, I’m sure living there helped a ton) I wouldn’t think of French as a notoriously difficult language. The sounds are probably a nightmare compared to Spanish or German, or it may just be because I have a good accent (I know I do, I’ve been complimented by Frenchwomen) and am overrating the nuances of its muscle movements, tension and breathing and the like.

But it’s very like English. The spelling is whack but the rules for pronunciation are regular, and the extra letters make since once you learn about liaison and elision.

I’d put Russian in its place. It’s as far from English as a modern Indo-European language is. Or “it’s Greek to me.”

(You know what speaking French semi-fluently feels like? You know when you have a night of the liquid shits and, because you bought Charmin Ultra Strong instead of Ultra Soft (why never both? Would it clog the pipes? Would you just be better off wihh Dude Wipes at that point?), never mind that Quilted Northern is my joint, softer than even Charmin – when you’ve been wiping your ass all night and the ring starts burning, you cringe and clench your butthole involuntarily and make a face. The muscles in your mouth and throat at that point in time, hold them and start speaking. Parisian French is like a Frenchman’s anus. They also have more sharp expulsions of air than we do, so French is like a Parisian’s farts.)